What changed?

A dear friend and fellow dreaming co member asked me today something to the effect of “what changed?” 

What did you do or experience or how did you grow or heal that gave you this renewed confidence and clearer purpose? 

I initially responded by telling her that that’s how growth is. It’s this cyclical process of being broken, rebuilt, restored, and made whole.
Over and over again. 

And it is that. But it’s also more than that. 

I mentioned that something had shifted in my soul. 

I think it’s mostly because I realized that for the first time ever, that the only people I have to answer to are God and my family. 

I don’t have to watch what I say. I don’t have to worry about saying something wrong or doing something wrong because I actually am my own boss now. Funny. 

And while the past 6 months has been incredibly challenging in so many nuanced ways, I’ve never felt this free. 

It’s kind of like having nothing to lose. 

There is nothing to lose now, so go all in.

Be who you were made to be.

Write the words you’ve always wanted to write.
Ask the questions you’ve always wanted to ask.
Chase the freaking dream you’ve always wanted to chase.
There are no limits anymore. 

I guess I thought I knew what that meant…no limits. But I didn’t. 

There were limits all around me. Things I couldn’t do. Things I couldn’t say. Dreams I couldn’t chase.

While those were actual limitations that I didn’t want to overstep so I could keep my income, once they were gone, I continued to function like they were still there. 

I was still scared to make a wrong move. I was doubting my intuition, and I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. 

But I’ve been surrounding myself with other women who speak life and truth, ask hard questions, and hold me accountable.
And I’ve spent a lot of time writing, thinking, praying, and reading God’s word. 

So yes, something shifted. 

But it wasn’t just one thing. 

It was the culmination of a journey I’ve been on for almost a decade, one of growing, healing, remembering, and re-discovering who I am.

But it doesn’t have to take that long. In the right environment, flowers bloom early and often. And wildly enough, flowers will even bloom in the crack of a sidewalk if given enough water and sunlight, but it’s because that’s what flowers do: they bloom. 

I believe we, as walking, talking women of God, are meant to shine light into a dark world. Whether we’re in a field that’s sunny and 75 or on a crack in the sidewalk where it’s hot enough to fry an egg, we were made in the image of God to do good work in this world. 

That work stems first from our knowing of His utter adoration of us regardless of what we do or don’t do for Him. Once we see ourselves as His beloved, the only response is to worship, shine our light, use our gifts, chase our dreams, do whatever He’s called us to. 

So I guess I’m finally in the right environment, surrounded by the right people, with my eyes fixed on the author and perfector of my faith. I’m not afraid anymore because I know who my Father is, and most importantly, I believe He adores me just as I am. 

And He adores you too. No matter what you’ve done, how you feel, what you’ve achieved, or what you’ve failed at. He only sees you as perfect. Crowned. Adopted. Chosen. 

When you know you are His BELOVED, everything changes. 

Until tomorrow, 

xxx- Allison 💋